I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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