apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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