he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
