i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
