So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
