I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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