whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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