Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
