some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
