he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize