Im at strip club and am horny
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
