Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
