You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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