I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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