Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
