Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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