I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The ass gains better be worth it
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