She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
