Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
