I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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