Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
