i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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