I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
