the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
