i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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