big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
