Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
