My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
