My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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