Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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