May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
