Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I would ride that face into the sunset
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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