i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize