I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
