yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They are going to name an STD after you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Randomize
