Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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