Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
