You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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