I'm pants shitting drunk right now
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
