..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
