If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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