did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
