I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
