Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
