You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize