I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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