when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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