well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
