when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
