He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
