My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
