Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
