omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
