you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
