How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
