I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
