apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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