I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
