my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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