I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
