so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
