What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
