Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
