you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
