I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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