Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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