Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
