just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
