im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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